Every since Burt Reynolds passed away on September 6,2018, I knew we were in the end times! The greatest Southern of all-time passing away was a sign from God that the end times are here! The only good thing to happen in the last few years is Joe Bob's The Last Drive-In! Joe Bob knew the end times were coming so he wanted all of us to have a few happy moments before the end. No amount of Arkansas Polio Weed Oil can save us from the Corona Beer Virus! It was 100 degrees in Siberia today! I wonder how many Commies died from Russian Heat Stroke! Russian Heat Stroke is terrible. Your whole body turns Soviet red and your skin starts peeling off. Australia was on fire, by now I guess it's out. I always had fondess for Koala bears. Back in 1985, Pine Bluff Arkansas had this huge train derailment. Some nukes nearly went off and there was some major explosions. A giant fire ball engulf Old Warren Road and took out some major Arkansas Polio Weed fields. That train was carrying a boxcar full of koala bears. They all escaped into the Jefferson County woods. They have taken over huge parts of Jefferson County and Cleveland County. One koala bear was named the mayor of Rison, Arkansas back in the early 90's.
2020 has been weird. People buying up all the toilet paper and Red Hot Candy. I make my own toilet paper. I have a whole shed full if you need a roll or two. I have been social distancing for years so nothing really changed for me. I have plenty of Red Dawg beer and pork rinds. I have been stockpiling for years. The Corona Beer Virus will eventual take out most of the South! Arkansawians believe the tears of Jason Rapert will save them! His fiddling playing will ran off the Corona Beer Virus Devil like Charlie Daniel beating down the Devil in Macon, GA at a WCW house show in 1993! Charlie Daniels actually won the WCW World Television Title from the Devil that night. The Devil won it back the next night in Stone Mountain GA at a house show when Nature Boy Paul Lee hit Charlie Daniels in the head by mistake with a tire iron. I think it's too late for Rapert to fiddle the Corona Beer Virus away because I am going to share what I saw last week! Around noon time last Wednesday, I saw Hubbard running down HWY 15 naked wearing one of those N-95 masks yelling it's the end. Hubbard is a true prophet. When he is not trying to catch people on fire, he is the best doomsayer in the South. Hubbard suddenly stopped in the middle of the road right in front of my trailer. He was spouting visions of Ric Flair riding a giant horse in the sky with giant wings coming from the east. Hubbard started to shake even more fierce and stated that Burt Reynolds will be flying a giant Trans-Am from the North. Hubbard eyes turned red and his voice became deeper, he shouted that Jerry Reed will be flying a huge semi from the South. I was thinking that he must have snorted some Mexican Baby Powder but Hubbard begin to levitate! He must have snorted some Costa Rica Baby Powder instead of the Mexican Baby Powder! He was glowing! He stated that Kenny Rogers will be riding a flying giant bison with huge wings coming from the Western sky! Right after he said that, he was hit by a speeding Tyson Chicken feed semi-truck. doing about 85 mph. Hubbard must went flying for a mile or so. He ended up down by the Sandy Bayou bridge. Strange thing, it didn't kill him! He got right back up! He levitated off back toward Old Warren Road!
After that, I put my mask on, cranked up the old El Camino! I went straight up to the IGA and bought up some Red Hots candy, some Mexican Fire Water and a giant bag of popcorn seed. I have plenty of popcorn butter! Since the movie theater at the Pines Mall closed, there is plenty to be found. I went by the pawn shop and bought up several more vcr's. I have over ten thousand drive-in movies on vhs. I have to make sure I have spare parts for my vcr. Listen up, the end is nigh! Now, I am going to set back and watch White Lightening, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Zombie and Alien Prey. I am going to set back and wait for The Four Southern Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
