As I inch out of the bunker, I peak around to see if there was any mutants ready to ambush me. I was about to trip over my beard. No time for shaving in the bunker, no sir, I had to inventory my dry goods, drink my Mexican Firewater and watch my copies of Texas Chainsaw Massacre on beta. Everything sorta looks normal but normal is never good. Normal is boring. Never trust so called normal people! The sun hurts my eyes and the Southern humidity wet wool blanket wraps me up in a hurry like a python squeezing it's prey. It was time to turn my digital device on and see what I missed while I was locked in my bunker. Brady wins another Super Bowl, not surprising. I see that Premier Warlord Donald Trump lost to Delaware Biden. A bunch of Confederates attacks the Capital starting another Civil War that didn't last more than a cup of coffee. Some twisted half Buffalo Man with strange tattoos was doing a strip tease on Nancy Pelosi's desk. That monster needs to be tamed and thrown into the cage with the other aliens in Area 51. Maybe I will just go back in my bunker and watch some Ella Hughes videos. I don't know if it's safe! I do have a gallon of ether! It makes a man go numb, like a brain dead hippie trapped inside the Smithsonian attempting to fly the Spirit of St. Louis out the window to crash into the Washington DC Holiday Day Inn.....
Monday, June 7, 2021
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
2020: The End is Nigh! Southern Apocalypse
Every since Burt Reynolds passed away on September 6,2018, I knew we were in the end times! The greatest Southern of all-time passing away was a sign from God that the end times are here! The only good thing to happen in the last few years is Joe Bob's The Last Drive-In! Joe Bob knew the end times were coming so he wanted all of us to have a few happy moments before the end. No amount of Arkansas Polio Weed Oil can save us from the Corona Beer Virus! It was 100 degrees in Siberia today! I wonder how many Commies died from Russian Heat Stroke! Russian Heat Stroke is terrible. Your whole body turns Soviet red and your skin starts peeling off. Australia was on fire, by now I guess it's out. I always had fondess for Koala bears. Back in 1985, Pine Bluff Arkansas had this huge train derailment. Some nukes nearly went off and there was some major explosions. A giant fire ball engulf Old Warren Road and took out some major Arkansas Polio Weed fields. That train was carrying a boxcar full of koala bears. They all escaped into the Jefferson County woods. They have taken over huge parts of Jefferson County and Cleveland County. One koala bear was named the mayor of Rison, Arkansas back in the early 90's.
2020 has been weird. People buying up all the toilet paper and Red Hot Candy. I make my own toilet paper. I have a whole shed full if you need a roll or two. I have been social distancing for years so nothing really changed for me. I have plenty of Red Dawg beer and pork rinds. I have been stockpiling for years. The Corona Beer Virus will eventual take out most of the South! Arkansawians believe the tears of Jason Rapert will save them! His fiddling playing will ran off the Corona Beer Virus Devil like Charlie Daniel beating down the Devil in Macon, GA at a WCW house show in 1993! Charlie Daniels actually won the WCW World Television Title from the Devil that night. The Devil won it back the next night in Stone Mountain GA at a house show when Nature Boy Paul Lee hit Charlie Daniels in the head by mistake with a tire iron. I think it's too late for Rapert to fiddle the Corona Beer Virus away because I am going to share what I saw last week! Around noon time last Wednesday, I saw Hubbard running down HWY 15 naked wearing one of those N-95 masks yelling it's the end. Hubbard is a true prophet. When he is not trying to catch people on fire, he is the best doomsayer in the South. Hubbard suddenly stopped in the middle of the road right in front of my trailer. He was spouting visions of Ric Flair riding a giant horse in the sky with giant wings coming from the east. Hubbard started to shake even more fierce and stated that Burt Reynolds will be flying a giant Trans-Am from the North. Hubbard eyes turned red and his voice became deeper, he shouted that Jerry Reed will be flying a huge semi from the South. I was thinking that he must have snorted some Mexican Baby Powder but Hubbard begin to levitate! He must have snorted some Costa Rica Baby Powder instead of the Mexican Baby Powder! He was glowing! He stated that Kenny Rogers will be riding a flying giant bison with huge wings coming from the Western sky! Right after he said that, he was hit by a speeding Tyson Chicken feed semi-truck. doing about 85 mph. Hubbard must went flying for a mile or so. He ended up down by the Sandy Bayou bridge. Strange thing, it didn't kill him! He got right back up! He levitated off back toward Old Warren Road!
After that, I put my mask on, cranked up the old El Camino! I went straight up to the IGA and bought up some Red Hots candy, some Mexican Fire Water and a giant bag of popcorn seed. I have plenty of popcorn butter! Since the movie theater at the Pines Mall closed, there is plenty to be found. I went by the pawn shop and bought up several more vcr's. I have over ten thousand drive-in movies on vhs. I have to make sure I have spare parts for my vcr. Listen up, the end is nigh! Now, I am going to set back and watch White Lightening, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Zombie and Alien Prey. I am going to set back and wait for The Four Southern Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Monday, June 15, 2020
Upcoming Blogs
New blog entries this week will be out this week. Including a look at a certain character from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (it's not Leatherface) and a look back on Star Wars VII TO IX.
Wednesday, November 27, 2019
The Arkansas Polio Weed Massacre!
I have been getting a lot of emails asking just where I have been for the last four years. Many rumors have been floating around. “Shawnster ran off with a Mexican stripper and moved to South Texas!” There might be some truth to that rumor if it was the summer of 2016. “Shawnster locked himself up in his make shift theater room in his old twelve foot 1956 Shasta trailer watching White Lightening over and over trying to figure out what makes Burt Reynolds the greatest southern of all-time!” There might be some truth to that rumor if it was the summer of 2017. I am here to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. All you drive inn movie freaks deserve the truth. The truth is my cousin Doyle Bodine was involved in the Arkansas Polio Weed Massacre. See, what happen was Doyle got involved with a bunch of hippies. They were traveling to Little Rock, Arkansas to protest Arkansas State Senator (pronounce sin-actor) Jason Rapert playing his fiddle singing a song about wanting to destroy all the Arkansas Polio Weed. Those hippies were also angry about the ninty members of the Duggar clan singing backup. Doyle and the hippies left in three old VW vans from Pansy, Arkansas. They stopped over in Jefferson, Arkansas to see this guy they called “Sunshine,” to pick up some Arkansas Polio Weed. They drove up to Sunshine’s house and that is when it all went to hell. Sunshine was tripping on some Arkansas River Catfish Whiskers. He came out with a semi-automatic flamethrower and started to to bbq all the hippies in the vans. All the vans blew up but somehow unfortunately Doyle survived but he looked like a deep fried Twinkie. He was in the hospital for several months. To cheer up Doyle, I have been watching drive inn flicks with him for the last few years. We went through several VCRs and several thousand cases of Lone Star Beer. Last week in a twist of fate, Doyle started dating this ol’ gal from the Dollar Hut. He didn’t treat her too well and this ol’boy with half his brain removed after running his car under a tractor trailer split his head in two with some jumper cables with a lawn mower blade in it. The funeral was on Friday. It was an open casket funeral held in an old abandoned Tyson Chicken House. One part of his head was placed in his hands. It was a nice touch. I put a VHS copy of Gator in his casket. The casket with Doyle in it is out behind the old car wash in Woodlawn. He didn’t have a burial plot and nobody knows what to do with him. It was 96 degrees yesterday and you can smell Doyle from three miles away. He didn’t smell great to begin with.
With all that said, my ten year old side kick and my offspring Fisher has decided we are going to watch the 1962 drive inn classic Carnival of Souls. We will have a full report on it next week. He is committed to the drive inn. I am back to save the drive inn and everything truly disgusting so you degenerates can have classic drive inn movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the only real Saw!), The Evil Dead and White Lightening. If I don’t, the Thought Patrol loonies will make us all watch Veggie Tales every day.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Five Questions with Wrestling Legend Terry "Garvin" Simms
Shawnster the Monster is a huge professional wrestling fan. He grew up watching Mid-South/UWF, Memphis, World Class Championship Wrestling, AWA and many other federations. One of his favorites from the Memphis area was the one and only Terry "Garvin" Simms. Terry was part of the "Beauty and the Beast" tag team in Memphis and naturally was the Beauty of the team. Terry was also known for his great matches in Global Wrestling Federation and various other promotion. Terry could have a great match with anybody, didn't matter the weight class or style. Terry has a great podcast known in the free world as "World Domination with Terry Garvin Simms!" Without further delay, Five Questions with Terry Garvin Simms!
1.) Please describe "World Domination with Terry "Garvin" Simms!"
World Domination is a podcast aimed at wrestling fans that enjoyed the territory days or what is now termed "Old School" wrestling instead of today's WWE where TV writers produce scripts instead of bookers setting the feuds or angles. I try to give fans of the sport a look at what it was like being inside the dressing room or in production meetings for TV as told by my guests as well as myself.
2.) Who was the biggest influence on your career as a professional wrestler?
I was lucky to learn from many greats yet Bill Dundee taught me from the start. I owe a lot to Jerry Lawler as far as in ring psychology and picking up and setting down the fans many times during a match.
3.) What is your fondest memories of Memphis Wrestling?
Working with greats that I grew up watching and rooting for or against. People like Lawler, Dundee, Jimmy Valiant, Austin Idol, Dutch Mantel, Tommy Gilbert, and of course the great Lance Russell and Dave Brown and many others.
4.) Can you describe your time in GWF?
At times very grueling because in order to produce 5 one hour shows a week for ESPN we sometimes wrestled as many as 3 times in one night. In Dallas the summer temps would reach 100 degrees even at bell time and could stay that way for 2 1/2 months, the Sportatorium had neither heat or air conditioning and with the TV lights over the ring temps could reach 120 degrees inside the ring during our matches while the temp in the building would be in the 40's in Jan and Feb. Even with that being said the first two years of the GWF were extremely fun times and very good for my career, the Dallas fans are the GREATEST fans anywhere because they adored wrestling and loved to see a fight. I consider Dallas Texas my 2nd home to this day.
5.) Can you share any stories about your time with Buddy Roberts?
I have so many stories about our time with Bud because he was such a great teacher and friend yet many I can't share here. Two things I will tell you that really stood out in my mind about Buddy Jack was if you ever became upset or mad he would become just as mad as you were. It didn't matter what you were mad about Buddy was right beside and more than likely madder than you were and sometimes not even knowing what we were mad about. The 2nd thing that makes me laugh about Bud is about he was a great ribber but if a rib was played on him no matter how hardcore it was he would never by any means sell or even the joke in any way. Bud knew from years of experience around the boys that if someone would get upset at someone for pulling a rib on them the boys would enjoy the person becoming mad and play as many ribs as possible on that person.
Thanks for Terry for doing the interview with Shawnster the Monster. Check out these links.
https://www.facebook.com/SimmsWorldDomination?fref=ts
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randombrainactivity
©Shawnster the Monster
1.) Please describe "World Domination with Terry "Garvin" Simms!"
World Domination is a podcast aimed at wrestling fans that enjoyed the territory days or what is now termed "Old School" wrestling instead of today's WWE where TV writers produce scripts instead of bookers setting the feuds or angles. I try to give fans of the sport a look at what it was like being inside the dressing room or in production meetings for TV as told by my guests as well as myself.
2.) Who was the biggest influence on your career as a professional wrestler?
I was lucky to learn from many greats yet Bill Dundee taught me from the start. I owe a lot to Jerry Lawler as far as in ring psychology and picking up and setting down the fans many times during a match.
3.) What is your fondest memories of Memphis Wrestling?
Working with greats that I grew up watching and rooting for or against. People like Lawler, Dundee, Jimmy Valiant, Austin Idol, Dutch Mantel, Tommy Gilbert, and of course the great Lance Russell and Dave Brown and many others.
4.) Can you describe your time in GWF?
At times very grueling because in order to produce 5 one hour shows a week for ESPN we sometimes wrestled as many as 3 times in one night. In Dallas the summer temps would reach 100 degrees even at bell time and could stay that way for 2 1/2 months, the Sportatorium had neither heat or air conditioning and with the TV lights over the ring temps could reach 120 degrees inside the ring during our matches while the temp in the building would be in the 40's in Jan and Feb. Even with that being said the first two years of the GWF were extremely fun times and very good for my career, the Dallas fans are the GREATEST fans anywhere because they adored wrestling and loved to see a fight. I consider Dallas Texas my 2nd home to this day.
5.) Can you share any stories about your time with Buddy Roberts?
I have so many stories about our time with Bud because he was such a great teacher and friend yet many I can't share here. Two things I will tell you that really stood out in my mind about Buddy Jack was if you ever became upset or mad he would become just as mad as you were. It didn't matter what you were mad about Buddy was right beside and more than likely madder than you were and sometimes not even knowing what we were mad about. The 2nd thing that makes me laugh about Bud is about he was a great ribber but if a rib was played on him no matter how hardcore it was he would never by any means sell or even the joke in any way. Bud knew from years of experience around the boys that if someone would get upset at someone for pulling a rib on them the boys would enjoy the person becoming mad and play as many ribs as possible on that person.
Thanks for Terry for doing the interview with Shawnster the Monster. Check out these links.
https://www.facebook.com/SimmsWorldDomination?fref=ts
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randombrainactivity
©Shawnster the Monster
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Five Questions with Goldie Hawley
The return of Shawnster the Monster blog! I, Shawnster the Monster have been holed up in the studio recording the best damn country western rockabilly album ever recorded. For this entry, I have the one and only Goldie Hawley. Goldie Hawley is a cool southern girl from Nashville. She is a very talented actress, model, director, producer and I can go on but I must save some space for the blog! She is also the CEO and founder of Fatale Noir Productions. Check it out!
The reason why I love the country side better than the city!
1.) How did you get into the world of entertainment?
I started out singing back in high school. I won quite a few talent contests and released a few songs and got a little bit of AirPlay. In graduate school, I became a promotional model for brands like jäger, Miller Light, and State Farm. I was a regular extra on CMT shows for extra money. I ran into a director for horror films and he asked me if I'd like a role in one of his up coming films. We had been talking all night about horror movies. My dad had owned a video store during the 80s and early 90s and I had seen just about every horror film from that time period. He was impressed with all I seemed to know about the genre. In fact, I spent one summer watching every film Hitchcock made and taking notes. To say I'm a horror fan is actually an understatement, I'd call myself more someone who studies the genre.
2.) Can you tell everybody about Fatale Noir Productions?
Fatale Noir productions is the name of the production company I share with Andrea Collins ( Andie Noir) it combines both of our character names from previous films, Goldie Fatal and Andie Noir.
3.) What is your favorite film of all-time?
My favorite film has always been Joe Dirt because I always laugh when I see it. Life sometimes sucks and at any given moment something bad is happening to someone, somewhere. I think we all need to laugh more. However my favorite horror film is The Shining.
4.) Any current projects?
Current projects include..Remarkable. Written by my brother, it's about a man who dies and is given a one year extension to live. I'm also in the very beginning stages putting together a coffee table of horror pin ups. Lastly Fatale Noir productions will be helping director Misty Dawn on her new short Hooker Assassin (Fatale Noir is producing).
5.) What is your future ambitions?
Mostly I just want to have fun with this. I'd love to win a few awards and do a little more photography, encourage other female directors, and have more fun along the way!
Bonus: How charming is our good pal James Downing?
James is super fun! Glad I know him, it always fun to know more horror fans!
For more information on Goldie Hawley and Fatale Noir Productions, check out the links below.
https://www.facebook.com/goldie.fatale?fref=ts
http://monstersfromthebasement.com/tag/monsters-from-the-basement-fatale-noir-productions/
1.) How did you get into the world of entertainment?
I started out singing back in high school. I won quite a few talent contests and released a few songs and got a little bit of AirPlay. In graduate school, I became a promotional model for brands like jäger, Miller Light, and State Farm. I was a regular extra on CMT shows for extra money. I ran into a director for horror films and he asked me if I'd like a role in one of his up coming films. We had been talking all night about horror movies. My dad had owned a video store during the 80s and early 90s and I had seen just about every horror film from that time period. He was impressed with all I seemed to know about the genre. In fact, I spent one summer watching every film Hitchcock made and taking notes. To say I'm a horror fan is actually an understatement, I'd call myself more someone who studies the genre.
2.) Can you tell everybody about Fatale Noir Productions?
Fatale Noir productions is the name of the production company I share with Andrea Collins ( Andie Noir) it combines both of our character names from previous films, Goldie Fatal and Andie Noir.
3.) What is your favorite film of all-time?
My favorite film has always been Joe Dirt because I always laugh when I see it. Life sometimes sucks and at any given moment something bad is happening to someone, somewhere. I think we all need to laugh more. However my favorite horror film is The Shining.
4.) Any current projects?
Current projects include..Remarkable. Written by my brother, it's about a man who dies and is given a one year extension to live. I'm also in the very beginning stages putting together a coffee table of horror pin ups. Lastly Fatale Noir productions will be helping director Misty Dawn on her new short Hooker Assassin (Fatale Noir is producing).
5.) What is your future ambitions?
Mostly I just want to have fun with this. I'd love to win a few awards and do a little more photography, encourage other female directors, and have more fun along the way!
Bonus: How charming is our good pal James Downing?
James is super fun! Glad I know him, it always fun to know more horror fans!
For more information on Goldie Hawley and Fatale Noir Productions, check out the links below.
https://www.facebook.com/goldie.fatale?fref=ts
http://monstersfromthebasement.com/tag/monsters-from-the-basement-fatale-noir-productions/
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Days of Future Price Points
Anybody that knows Shawnster the Monster realizes he loves comic books, horror movies, rockabilly music, women, liquor, guns, explosives and kitty cats. The recent announcement of the $4.99 price point for certain Marvel Comics has led to a complete divorce from Marvel Comics after an on and off relationship since 1979. I know the cost of ink, paper, smaller print runs and other factors (including greed) has led to the increase in comic pricing. Along with increasing prices, the new "nerd cool" culture who doesn't know the difference between Captain America and Solomon Grundy are willing to buy comics and not read them drives me crazy but that is a different topic. Here is the run down on the price hikes from the September 2014 solicitations.
Marvel’s “Death of Wolverine” event will be released every week in September, 1st issue 48 pages and all other issues are 40 pages at $4.99 each.
“Superior Spider-Man” #33, 48 pages special $4.99.
“Avengers”, “New Avengers”, and Avengers 34.1 are now 40 pages, $4.99 each
“Fantastic Four” Annual, “Hulk” Annual, "Deadpool” Bi-Annual are all $4.99 40-page comics
“Thor, God of Thunder’s” #25 is a 40-page special issue
“Miracleman” #10 is $4.99 (price is not changing)
"Hawkeye vs Deadpool” #0 will be $4.99 at 40 pages
"Deadpool” #34 $4.99
Does Marvel believe comics sales will increase if Marvel movies continue to be successful? In my opinion, if Guardians of the Galaxy does well at the box office, most Marvel comics will be $4.99 and the trend will continue. A lot of people are not going directly to reading comics because of a successful movie or television series. A lot of people consider comic characters as movie characters since a lot of the comic movies are people first introduction to the comic characters. A lot of people are not going to look up their local comic shop and start a file. A few will pick up an issue or two and will quickly loose interest. This is common especially with certain people I know. Walking Dead Volume One paperback collection is a perfect example. The paperback collects the first six issues of the now classic series. Since the television series took off beyond irritating levels, the Walking Dead Volume One collection took off in sales and was always on top or near the top in graphic novel sells. People would try it out and now my used book store will have several copies on the floor and to quote an employee "We got about hundred or so in the storage of the first one. I don't know why we keep taking them in!" Hence, these people tried it and noticed it's nothing like the television series and in return will not buy volume two. Image Comics did get a nice bump in sales for volume one but I noticed sells for volume one has went down. Drew can buy used volume one copies up cheap to make goat sheds out of them. This can happen to any series. One friend purchased one copy of Avengers and ask me "What the #uck is wrong with the comic?" A successful movie or television series can cause a spike in interest but nothing long term. Same thing with Batman (89), people got into comics and quickly lost interest by end of the summer. The dark ages of comics in the 90's, where everybody purchased issues thinking they would be rich didn't turn out well. Now everybody just has bonfires fueled with awful Rob Liefeld comics. Hence, the comic industry is their own worst enemy.
The comic industry is killing themselves slowly. $4.99 is my breaking point. I dropped a lot of comics because of the $3.99 price tag but another major factor is the awful writing. The comic industry needs to get back to basics. My comic file at my local comic shop is getting smaller and smaller each month. Current comics books have less number of pages but the prices are up. A lot of fans have turned to the digital format. Either buying the digital comics or just simply downloading the comics illegally. It will be interesting to see what DC Comics, Image Comics, Dark Horse Comics, and Dynamite Comics will do in the near future with their price points especially since DC Comics has announced a long over due creator/artist payment plan. To make things worse, Marvel is getting the Star Wars comic line from Dark Horse at the end of the year! Horrible thoughts of Brian Michael Bendis writing anything Star Wars related makes me once to throw up. Nothing personal.....
Overall, I have been working on completing my classic comics and comic collections through graphic novel collections. I have found this to be a better way both economically and storage wise. I am not telling anybody not to buy comics but I am going a different route. $4.99 is a lot of money for a comic. I don't even buy magazines that are $4.99. If you can afford the hike in prices go for it but Shawnster the Monster has better things to spend $4.99 on like Bojangles chicken dinners.
PS Checkout Kristopher Upjohn's movie review page. http://filmphreak.tumblr.com/ He is full of facts and has a lot of pet chickens.
© 2014 Shawnster The Monster Shawn D Patrick
Does Marvel believe comics sales will increase if Marvel movies continue to be successful? In my opinion, if Guardians of the Galaxy does well at the box office, most Marvel comics will be $4.99 and the trend will continue. A lot of people are not going directly to reading comics because of a successful movie or television series. A lot of people consider comic characters as movie characters since a lot of the comic movies are people first introduction to the comic characters. A lot of people are not going to look up their local comic shop and start a file. A few will pick up an issue or two and will quickly loose interest. This is common especially with certain people I know. Walking Dead Volume One paperback collection is a perfect example. The paperback collects the first six issues of the now classic series. Since the television series took off beyond irritating levels, the Walking Dead Volume One collection took off in sales and was always on top or near the top in graphic novel sells. People would try it out and now my used book store will have several copies on the floor and to quote an employee "We got about hundred or so in the storage of the first one. I don't know why we keep taking them in!" Hence, these people tried it and noticed it's nothing like the television series and in return will not buy volume two. Image Comics did get a nice bump in sales for volume one but I noticed sells for volume one has went down. Drew can buy used volume one copies up cheap to make goat sheds out of them. This can happen to any series. One friend purchased one copy of Avengers and ask me "What the #uck is wrong with the comic?" A successful movie or television series can cause a spike in interest but nothing long term. Same thing with Batman (89), people got into comics and quickly lost interest by end of the summer. The dark ages of comics in the 90's, where everybody purchased issues thinking they would be rich didn't turn out well. Now everybody just has bonfires fueled with awful Rob Liefeld comics. Hence, the comic industry is their own worst enemy.
The comic industry is killing themselves slowly. $4.99 is my breaking point. I dropped a lot of comics because of the $3.99 price tag but another major factor is the awful writing. The comic industry needs to get back to basics. My comic file at my local comic shop is getting smaller and smaller each month. Current comics books have less number of pages but the prices are up. A lot of fans have turned to the digital format. Either buying the digital comics or just simply downloading the comics illegally. It will be interesting to see what DC Comics, Image Comics, Dark Horse Comics, and Dynamite Comics will do in the near future with their price points especially since DC Comics has announced a long over due creator/artist payment plan. To make things worse, Marvel is getting the Star Wars comic line from Dark Horse at the end of the year! Horrible thoughts of Brian Michael Bendis writing anything Star Wars related makes me once to throw up. Nothing personal.....
Overall, I have been working on completing my classic comics and comic collections through graphic novel collections. I have found this to be a better way both economically and storage wise. I am not telling anybody not to buy comics but I am going a different route. $4.99 is a lot of money for a comic. I don't even buy magazines that are $4.99. If you can afford the hike in prices go for it but Shawnster the Monster has better things to spend $4.99 on like Bojangles chicken dinners.
PS Checkout Kristopher Upjohn's movie review page. http://filmphreak.tumblr.com/ He is full of facts and has a lot of pet chickens.
© 2014 Shawnster The Monster Shawn D Patrick
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